Love Apart
by Sanqhian
Summary: The heart knows no bounds. Love is love. But what happens when lovers disagree? [slash]
1. Needing Out

**Title:** Love Apart

**Disclaimer: **Slash. Angst.

**POV: **Speed

**

* * *

Chapter One: Needing Out**

"Hey, H," I say leaning on the frame of his office door.

"Speed, what brings you here?" Horatio looks up from his desk. There is a manila folder open upon the desk. What is he reading? Do we have a new case? He must notice my apprehension. "Don't worry," he smiles, "it's not a case."

I enter the office. "Do you mind if I ask you what it is?"

"Not at all." He nonchalantly points to the folder. "Frank has been looking at a transfer. Wants my opinion on whether or not this detective was worth hiring."

"You do that?" I question.

"I was a detective before heading the Crime Lab." He flips the folder closed. "I have a feeling you're not here for business, so what can I do for you?"

I lick my bottom lip. "Well, H, I was wondering, can I have a few days off?" I almost regret asking the question. I had just finished my first week back after being gone for a month.

"Well, Speed, that's…" He doesn't finish the sentence.

"Look, I know that I was gone for a month. And I know that I told you I was fine. Truly, I thought I was. Yet, being here has been harder than I thought," I openly admit. "You have to understand, H, I'm not bailing on you. It's just not that easy to re-adjust."

Horatio nods, like he understands. Maybe he does. "Alright. You can have the time off. But if you're going to be gone longer than a week, please let me know."

"You mean, I can actually go?" I am stunned. H is a great friend, a great boss. He could also be demanding. Not that he would ever admit it.

"Yes, of course you can," H says. "Speed, you got shot in the line of duty. You almost died-"

"Don't remind me," I mutter.

"Work can't be easy. I figured you were lying when you told me you were okay. Take the time off, Speed."

I stand up. "Thank you, H. I really appreciate it." I stop at the door. There was just one other thing to ask him. Should I risk it? Or would it be too much?

"Uh," I choke out.

"What is it, Speed?"

I turn back to him. "Well, my doctor doesn't want me on my motorcycle. He says I can't ride it for another month. Delko's been my ride, you know that. I'm sure he doesn't want to be my taxi."

"Take one of the Hummers," H offers.

"H-"

He puts his hand up to shush me. "Take it. Any heat will come my way. Just don't put too much mileage on it."

"Thanks, H."

"Think nothing of it. However, if you take it I expect you to return to my lab. I can't have my best CSI resigning."

We part ways. I shake my head with a ghost smile on my lips. Horatio usually does favors but expected something of you. Something small. The only problem is, my mind has been full of reasons to resign. The job just doesn't seem the same anymore.

I am almost out the door when Calleigh calls my name.

"Speed, wait." I hear her heeled boots clicking on the floor.

"Something I can do for you, Cal?" I ask. Some how I keep my voice pleasant. Really, all I want to do is leave.

"Heard you were taking time off. You okay, Timmy?" She places a hand on my arm.

I flinch. "I'm fine. Just need a little more time away."

"Don't worry, Cal," Delko says coming up behind her. "Our boy would tell us if something was wrong, wouldn't you?"

Nervously I swallow. "Um, course I would. You guys know that."

"So where you going?" Delko asks. "Got a hot date or something?"

Can't tell you, I want to say. But that would make them pester me even more. The only way out is to lie. They could never find out where I was headed.

"Going to visit an old friend," I lie. Well, it wasn't a complete lie. I am going to meet friends.

"Sounds lovely," Calleigh says. "I'll miss you." She surprises me by giving me a big hug _and _a kiss on the cheek.

"Hurry back man. The lab is lonely without you," Delko pipes up. It is his way of hugging and kissing me without actually doing it. How manly.

"I'll call you guys. I'll be back in a week or two."

Some how I manage to get out of the Lab. Outside I see Frank. I pretend not to notice him. No more distractions. There is a place I need to be. A place to think and figure out how the rest of my life is going to be. Is it time for a career change?

I hop into the Hummer and take off. If anyone knew where I am going they'd have heart failure.


	2. Down A Dark Road

**Title: **Love Apart

**Disclaimer: **Slash. Angst.

**POV: **Speed

**

* * *

Chapter Two: Down A Dark Road**

I drive for nearly half a day. My mind is plagued with worries and doubts. Part of me wants to head back home. I can't run back to Horatio. That would be a sign of weakness.

Street signs flash by. Falling further and further apart. The mountains grow larger in front of me. I am looking for a driveway. I was told it would be marked by a street sign reading Forensic Ave. Apparently it is 'the thing' to do in this weird town; marking long driveways with street signs.

I drive another hour before I come upon my turn off. The dirt driveway looks more like a hurried afterthought than a real driveway. As though the construction workers forgot about it until it was almost too late.

Sighing, I take the turn. The Hummer is a good thing to have with all the potholes in the dirt road. If the road is this bad, what is the house going to be like?

I know in a few minutes. The house is a one story vacation home. It is covered in light blue siding. The wooden front porch seems newly stained. The yard and gardens are up kept. A garage to the right of the house looks brand new. A basketball hoop hangs from it. I park the H2 next to the garage.

My heart beats faster as I step out of the car. Is there a car in the garage? Or am I alone? I don't want to be alone. Not now, not after my long drive.

On the front door is a note. My heart sinks. I rip it from the door.

_Timmy,_

_Went out to get a few things. Including dinner. Make your self at home. I'll be back soon._

_Dying to see you,_

_Your Lover._

I crumple the note in my hand. How soon is soon, I wonder.

Inside I find dirty dishes in the sink. A pot of cold coffee sits on the counter. On a chair in the dining room is a gray T-shirt. Someone has been here and would return soon.

I leave my suitcase at the end of the bed. A hot shower sounds really nice all of a sudden. Imagine my surprise when I find a not taped to the shower door.

_You'll probably want to shower after your long drive. If you feel you have to, go a head. But I wish you'd wait for me._

The idea makes me smile. Waiting would be nice but I feel dirty. Maybe the hot water would wash the worries away.

After the shower I dress in a pair of blue sweat pants and a plain white T-shirt. I am still alone.

My cell phone beeps alerting me to a message. It's from Horatio, probably checking up on me. I place the phone back on the kitchen table without listening to the message.

I go to the fridge and fish out a bottle of water. The cool water is almost as refreshing as the hot water from my shower. The silence begins to rush in and choke me. Outside, I need fresh air.

The twilight air is cool. Silence tries to creep in. But birds continue to sing. Crickets have come out early. In the distance a person is mowing their lawn.

I grab a basketball off the porch. Playing ball will keep me occupied. No way am I listening to the silence. Or giving in to the thoughts in my head. I start playing, making dunk after dunk. Sweat soaks into my shirt. So I take it off. Using it like a rag I wipe at the sweat. I toss it aside. A snatch of red catches my eye.

My shirt has blood on it. I check my chest. My gunshot wound has re-opened. Great, I sigh.

Back inside the clock tells me I have been here for two hours. And I am still alone. What ever happened to 'soon' meaning soon?

I go from the bathroom to the kitchen looking for a first aid kit. There isn't one. On some sort of impulse I snatch a knife from one of the drawers.

I take a seat at the kitchen table. The knife I place in front of me. The sharp blade shines with the rays of the dying sun that slips through the window.

My phone begins beeping again. The unexpected sound makes me jump. It is Horatio yet again. A good friend checking up on another? Or is it something else? I delete the message without listening to it. I want to run from my Miami life. My old world. Run from who I am.

Nervously I wipe my brow. Blood slowly trickles from the re-opened wound. My mind is growing dark. There is no one here when I need them most. I feel the tears begin to carve a path on my face. Little by little I am falling apart. I still am not able to deal with what had happened. My hand clasps the knife handle.

"Timmy?"


	3. Tear Filled Love

**Title: **Love Apart

**Disclaimer: **Slash. Angst.

**POV: **Speed

**

* * *

Chapter Three: Tear Filled Love**

I jump at the sound of the voice. I didn't hear anyone come in. Never mind them coming up behind me. The knife slips from my hand. I can't believe I get caught.

I sit on the edge of the bed. Things have happened so fast. Things that are fuzzy in my mind. Even though they have just happened. "Um, listen, Danny, I'm sorry," I choke out.

Danny finishes up with the bandaging on my chest. He says nothing in reply. Instead he cleans up the bandages and the rest of the first aid kit. Turns out the first aid kit is in the drawer of the bedside table. The one place I don't think to look.

"Danny? Please, say something," I blurt out.

He sits beside me. He takes his glasses off and cleans them. My New York lover. My blond hair baby.

"Danny?" I feel a cold hand gripping my heart, squeezing it, breaking it.

"What were you thinking, Timothy?" he asks.

I love when he calls me Timothy. "I'm sorry, Danny. I haven't been the same since…since…"

"Have you talked to anyone about it?"

I shake my head slowly. "No, I haven't been able to."

He puts his glasses back on and gives a little chuckle. "You lied to me, Tim. You told me you would talk to someone. And that that someone would be Horatio."

"Danny, I couldn't tell him." I lick my lips nervously. "He would…would…overreact."

"Why shouldn't he?" Danny presses. "I found you with a knife to your wrist."

I begin to tear up again. "How many more times can I say I'm sorry?"

Danny goes silent again. I want him to hold me close. I want his sensible arms around me, to have him kiss me. With every passing minute my heart dies a little more. I chance a glance at him. He looks lost in thought.

"Timothy, I have a phone call to make."

"Who are you calling?" I wonder aloud.

"Don't worry." He stands. "You've had a trying day. Get some sleep. Things will be better in the morning. You'll see."

He helps me climb under the covers of the king-size bed. Danny steps away. I reach out to him.

"Don't leave me, please. I don't want to be alone."

He turns out the light. A few minutes later I hear the rustling of clothing. Danny climbs into bed and wraps his arms around me.

"Don't worry, Timothy," he whispers in my ear. "I would never leave you. I love you too much." He kisses the back of my neck.

"I love you too, Danny."

I awake sometime later. The clock says it is a little after midnight. What has awakened me? I turn over to cuddle with Danny. Only, he isn't there. I sit up. Where is he?

As in answer to my question a noise comes from the dining room. I slide out of bed and creep to the door. Danny is sitting at the table on the phone. Who is he talking to?

"Did I wake you...Sorry, but I needed to talk to you…Yes…What about?" He pauses. "It's about Tim…I'm really worried about him." He recounts the tale of me and the knife. Is it really that big of a deal? "Come, please…I don't know if I can handle this alone…He'll listen to you…You'll be here in the morning…Alright…"

At this point I creep back to bed. Sounds like Danny has called H. I feel betrayed. My boss knows absolutely nothing about my relationship with Danny. I love Danny as much as H loves Yelina; not that he would admit it.

I lay in the dark and bore holes into the ceiling I stare at it so hard. I ran here, to Danny, to the only one who could keep me sane. Who am I kidding? He isn't the _only one_. Perhaps I have made a mistake in running to Danny. Perhaps I shouldn't have run to Danny. I could have run to _him,_ _he_ wouldn't be mad. I silently laugh. Who am I kidding, he would have called Danny. They would both know, either way.

Danny's footsteps near the bedroom door. I roll over, pretending to sleep. Danny crawls back into bed. He doesn't cuddle up to me and that is okay. My lover has betrayed me. My last thought before drifting off is of Horatio finding out about my boyfriend.

_I returned to work after two days. H had been to the vacation house. He had seen me and Danny kissing. I was afraid he would be grossed out, but no, he said nothing. He stayed for a day. Never once talking about my relationship with Danny. _

_Now I was back at the Lab. Everyone I passed just stared at me. Some even snickered. I found Delko and Calleigh in the break room. I paused by the door to listen to them._

"_Can you believe that Speed has a boyfriend?" Calleigh asked._

"_I always thought something was wrong with him. Boy, I never thought it was this bad."_

"_You don't think he'll make a move on Horatio, do you?" Calleigh questioned._

"_What about Frank?" By now the two of them were laughing. At me. Some friends they were. _

"_What if he hits on you, Delko?"_

_The laughing stopped. "Thanks, Call, now I'm going to have nightmares."_

I wake with a start, my heart racing. Would my friends react that way? I know one thing, I never want to find out. Danny will always be my secret.


	4. Storm

**Title: **Love Apart

**Disclaimer: **Slash. Angst.

**POV: **Speed

**

* * *

Chapter Four: Storm**

I wake to the sound of talking. Danny is talking to whoever he called last night. It has to be Horatio. Who else could have gotten here that quickly?

Getting out of bed I creep to the door. Like last night I peek around the corner. No one is in the dining room. Danny and whoever talk in hushed voices. I can't hear enough to determine who the other person is.

So I creep into the dining room. Now, a wall separates the kitchen from the dining room, I am hidden from the two in the kitchen. The voices war still too hushed. They are obviously afraid of waking me or my overhearing them talking about what surely is me. Bit late for that.

I do not like being talked about. Steeling my spine I walk into the kitchen. If it is time for the truth to come out, than so be it.

I enter the kitchen. "Timothy, you're awake," Danny says, surprise filling his voice.

"Timmy, I missed you!" Exclaims the other man in the room. He strides over to me and gives me a gentle hug. I also receive a semi-passionate kiss on the lips.

"Nick, what are you doing here?" I am shocked to see him.

"Danny called me last night," he explains. Holding his arms out, "Here I am."

I shake my head and take a step back. "What is this? Are you two ganging up on me now?"

"No," Nick shakes his head. "Danny was really worried about you. So he called me. We need to talk about what happened, Tim."

Anger is building in me. "No. We don't need to do anything. I can't believe this!"

"Timothy," Danny intervenes. "We love you and we're scared. You need to get some help. You have a problem, Speed."

It is odd for Danny to call me by my nickname. He prefers to call me Timmy or Timothy, never Speed. He isn't a big fan of the name. So far he is the only one. I take a few more steps back.

"I really can't believe this. I wanted comfort. But all I get is an….an intervention. I'm not staying for this."

Back in the bedroom I change and begin to pack my stuff. Danny and Nick follow me.

"Tim, what are you doing?" Nick questions.

"I'm leaving. What does it look like?"

"Where are you going to go?" He asks.

I shrug. "Does it matter? Maybe I'll head back home to Miami. Drop the Hummer with the night crew, empty my locker, and send in my resignation. From there, who knows?"

"Tim, you can't leave. Don't do this," he says. I turn to find Danny standing quietly behind Nick. He looks about ready to cry. He is chewing on his bottom lip.

I know I was hurting him. And Nicky too. But I can't stay. I take my bag and pass Nick and Danny. I am really leaving.

"Timmy, don't, please. We'll forget about everything. Just stay. Please," pleads Danny.

I don't look back. Or say anything. My mind is made up. I am leaving. I get in the H2 and pull away. Leaving Nick with his arms around Danny, both watching me go. I might be breaking their hearts but they have each other. It used to be the three of us. Now it is just the two of them. They have hurt me.

After an hour of driving I pull off the road. My cell phone is beeping again. This time I listen to the message. Guess who?

"Speed, it's H, just calling to make sure you're okay. Call me back when you get the chance. I'm worried about you."

I fling the cell phone into the passenger seat. I don't feel like calling anyone. I want to be alone. This idea sends me into a fit of laughter. For days I was too afraid to be alone. Now it is all I wanted.

My laughing eventually turns to crying. What have I done? A few days ago I had called Danny in a fit of depression. He insisted on seeing me. I agreed. It is what I wanted after all. Then he calls Nick and gets him into the whole thing.

Nick, my Nicky-boy. He has his own problems. Who is he to tell me to seek help? He still hasn't sought help for his problem. It had taken Nick three months to tell Danny and I about the babysitter. The one who had molested him when he was younger. The news made me sick to my stomach. Danny had been left speechless.

Danny had a lot of problems with Nick's confession. He was troubled by it. I think it reminded him of his past. He gave up very little about something he wasn't proud of. Neither Nick or I pushed him to talk about it.

The three of us took an oath. We were never to push each other to talk about our pasts. Nick's confession had been free will. Knowing your past wasn't relevant made confessing easier, he said.

So why is he pushing me? Granted, my past is causing me problems now. But doesn't the oath mean anything? Why do they have to push me!

I slam the palm of my hand against the steering wheel. Why the fuck did I run away? Things are more screwed up than they were before. Through tear-filled eyes I gaze out at the road. Cars whiz by holding people headed to all kinds of places. Every one of them has someone. Someone to run to, someone who loves them.

Where am I to go?

Home to Miami? Back to Delko and Calleigh and Horatio and Yelina? Should I go back to Danny and Nick? Will they even want me back? Does anyone want me?

I pull out onto the busy road and headed off to who knows where.


	5. Meeting The Boss

**Title: **Love Apart

**Disclaimer: **Slash. Angst.

**POV: **Danny Messer

**

* * *

Chapter Five: Meeting the Boss**

I sit quietly beside Nick in the blue Tahoe. We had waited five hours for him to cool off and return home. He didn't. So Nick figured we should go after him. Where to go though?

I call Tim's cell phone repeatedly. No one answers. At that point we decide to head to Miami. He had mentioned returning home to resign. It is currently 8:15am. Another hour and we should be there.

Wake up," Nick says gently shaking me. "We're here."

I awake, drowsily. "Here? Where here?"

"The Miami-Dade Crime Lab."

"Already? Didn't we just pass some old mom and pop place?"

Nick laughs. "You fell asleep, Danny.

I blush. We both step out of the car and stretch. I use my hand to shield my eyes from the bright morning sun.

"Dang, sure is bright here."

"You need to get out of New York a little more, Danny," Nick remarks.

"Maybe next time I'll fly to Nevada."

We both smile. The girl at the front desk looks at us weird. Like she has never seen two guys before. I flash my badge. Recognition flashes in her eyes. She does everything to help us. Or at least me, from the way she ignores Nick.

"Can we please see Horatio Caine?" Nick asks. Se looks at him as though he is invisible. Sighing, he flashes his badge. Badges are handy things.

"I'll let him know you're here," she states. All around us people work at solving cases. I start feeling a tad homesick. A few minutes later the girl hangs up the phone. "He'll see you in his office."

I follow Nick down the hallways using the directions the receptionist has given us. I can't help but admire the place. It is more stylish than the New York lab. I can't help but think of Timothy's boss. What is Horatio Caine like? Timothy speaks highly of his boss. Will he be willing to listen to us? Or will he turn us away? My boss, Mac, is a patient man. For the most part.

Nick knocks softly on the door. After being called in, we enter.

Horatio Caine, with his red hair, sits behind a freakishly clean desk. All that is on it are picture frames and case folders. "What could possibly be so important that CSI's from Nevada and New York would come calling?"

Nick glances at me. He is stronger when it comes to emotional issues but I am better at explaining things and speaking my mind. I square my shoulders before answering. "We're here about Timothy Speedle, sir."

"He's not here. I'm sorry. He's away on…" He looks up from the folder on his desk as though something had clicked. "I haven't heard from him. He's not returning calls. Is he okay?"

"Well," Nick hesitates. Horatio looks at him, holding his breath, fear in his eyes. "Don't worry. He's not dead," Nick states. "That we know of."

"That you know of? What is that supposed to mean?"

I look over my shoulder to see a blond and a relatively tall man.

"Delko, Calleigh, come in and close the door," Horatio says.

"What's going on, H?" Delko asks.

"These two men- I'm sorry, I didn't catch your names," H says looking at us.

"I'm Danny Messer. I work at the crime lab in New York under the direction of Mac Taylor." I glance at Nick. "This is Nick Stokes. He works for Gil Grissom out in the Nevada lab. We're here because Tim is missing."

"He's not missing," Horatio says. "I told you that he went on vacation."

Nick clears his throat. I glare at him. I know what is on his mind. And there is no way to stop him.

"Tim came to see us," he says.

"Delko eyes us. "No wonder Speed didn't seem to have friends, they all live out-of-state."

Nick and I glance at each other.

"Um, Delko," Calleigh speaks up. "I don't think they're friends. Not in the sense you're thinking."

He looks at Calleigh and then back at us. Understanding finally dawns on him. "Oh, you mean…"

"Yes, Delko. That is what she means." We all turn to Horatio.

Nick chuckles. "You knew all this time? To think, Timothy was afraid to tell you."

"I've known for a few months now. I'm not the boss for nothing, you know." He directs his gaze toward me and Nick. "Now, where is Speed?"

I shrug. "Beats us. We got into an argument. He stormed off saying he was going to return home. To resign."

"Resign?" Calleigh, Delko, and Horatio all say at once.

Nick nods. I continue. "He's really messed up. He called me a few days ago, begging me to see him. That's where the time-off comes in.

"When I arrived at the vacation house we all own I found him sitting at the dining table. He was sitting there with a knife and he…he…" I can't find the strength to finish the sentence.

Nick places a hand on my shoulder. "He appeared to want to slit his wrist."

"Speed would never do that," Calleigh freaks.

Nick shakes his head. "He needs to talk and he won't. It's just going to keep getting worse."


	6. Sex Crime

**Title: **Love Apart

**Disclaimer: **Slash. Angst.

**POV: **Speed

**

* * *

Chapter Six: Sex Crime**

I sit at a café in New York. A cup of coffee sits on the orange table in front of me. Something keeps me from returning to Miami. Just can't do it.

I keep getting weird looks from the other patrons. Doesn't surprise me any. Wouldn't you get suspicious of someone climbing out of a Hummer marked Miami-Dade Crime Lab in a New York city? No, I not here for work, but they don't know that. I smile to myself. I know my badge is in my back pocket and my gun is in a holster hidden by my shirt. Never leave home without them; it is a habit that I find hard to break. In my line of work, who knows when I will need them?

An elderly couple sitting at a table across from me keeps giving me worried glances. I continue to drink my coffee. Let them be worries. They call their waitress over and say something, pointing at me. Great, the waitress heads my way.

She looks about seventeen or eighteen. Her brown ponytail bounces as she comes to my table.

"'Scuse me sir," she giggles, "but that couple over there is under the impression that you have a gun."

I say nothing, just reach for my badge. The waitress's eyes grow large as she sees my gun. I drop my badge on the table. She just stands there. So I pay for my coffee, pick up my badge, and leave.

My mind is full of jumbled thoughts. Delko's love for diving. Calleigh and her knowledge of guns. The understanding manner of Horatio. Yelina's accent. Danny's soft skin and Nick's strong arms.

I rest my forehead on the steering wheel. I miss them all. I want to be with all of them. Yet, at the same time I want to keep running from them.

Someone honks their horn, impatiently. I haven't even been in the H2 for two minutes and someone already wants my spot. What in the hell had possesses me to come to New York? Danny isn't here, so why am I?

I drive around for awhile before stopping at the Park. The day is sunny and warm. Like Miami. People mill about doing all sorts of things. Picnicking, playing Frisbee, skating, jogging; if you could do it outdoors, I see it here.

I am walking quietly, minding my own business when a man crosses my path. He is running so fast that I have to jump back or risk him running into me. He doesn't even acknowledge me as he runs pass.

A girl comes out of the bushes. Her clothes ware torn and she is crying. Blood slowly trickles from a cut above her left eye.

"Stop him," she screams. "He raped me!"

I take one look at her and run after the guy. He checks over his shoulder. Seeing me pursuing him causes him to run faster.

He dodges a woman walking her dog. He pushes a young boy out of his way. The kid stumbles but doesn't fall. The rapist keeps running. He jumps into a fountain and is out the other side before I can catch him.

What he does next shocks me. He shoves a pregnant woman. She losses her balance and falls. Knowing full well that hard choices are part of my job, I stop to help her up.

"Are you okay?" I ask her.

"I…I think so." She brushes herself off. "I'm not bleeding and nothing appears broken."

"Good, good. Here," I take her arm and help her over to a bench. She promptly sits. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yes, I'm fine. My husband will be along soon. You go right on a head," she says sweetly.

I glance around the park looking for the man I had been chasing. He is long gone. The only thing I can think to do is return to the young lady who cried rape.

Someone has called the cops, thankfully. As I draw near the "crime scene" I can see a few cops, three or four CSI's, and two detectives. My approach gains more attention than I thought it would.

The black haired detective starts toward me. Suddenly he stops and pulls his gun. It points at me.

"Remove your weapon from the holster and place it on the ground," he demands.

I was not aware that my gun had become uncovered during the pursuit.

"Okay, okay," I say. Slowly I remove my gun and place it on the ground. To show my trustworthiness I kick the gun in his direction. Everyone is watching us now. Ready to shoot me if they have to. What a lovely thought.

I reach for my back pocket. "I'm not going for a weapon. Okay?"

He nods in understanding. I pull my badge out and threw it to him. He catches it. After checking it over he holsters his gun.

"Might I ask what a CSI from Florida is doing in New York?"

_Running,_ I think. "On vacation. Kind of."

He hands me back my gun. The victim stands up, and pointing at me, shouts, "That's him. That's the man."

"You chased the suspect?" the detective asks.

"Yes. I got a fairly good look at him."

He smiles. "Well, Mr.-"

"Tim Speedle."

"Mr. Speedle, I'm Detective Elliot Stabler."


	7. Surprise Rendezvous

**Title: **Love Apart

**Disclaimer: **Slash. Angst.

**POV: **Speed

**

* * *

Chapter Seven: Surprise Rendezvous**

It is an hour or so later. I am sitting in a quiet interrogation room with a sketch artist and Det. Stabler.

A female detective- the one I had seen earlier at the crime scene- enters the room. "So, this is where you're hiding, Elliot?"

"I'm not hiding. I'm here with my new friend. Finishing up with the sketch artist," he stats. "Olivia Benson, meet Timothy Speedle of the Miami-Dade Crime Lab."

I give her a small wave. The way Elliot gazes at her makes me miss Nick and Danny even more. My boys. Where are they now? What are they doing? I rest my hand on my cell phone. I can call…

"Are we done? I would like to make a phone call," I stat.

"Yes, we're done." Elliot, Olivia, and the sketch artist leave. I pull out my cell phone and dial a number.

"Hey, Frank here," comes the voice on the other end.

"Frank, it's Speed. How are you?" Why did I call Frank? Why not Danny? Or Nick? Or even Horatio?

"Speed! Man, how's the vacation? Out picking up chicks?"

Me, picking up girls? "No, just out relaxing. You talk to Calleigh and the guys lately?"

"No. I can call them if you want. I think H is holding a meeting. Two guys came in earlier today."

I lick my lips nervously as I begin to pace the small room. "Two guys, huh? Criminals or something?"

"No, they had badges. Didn't catch names or job titles though."

Is it them? Did they run to Miami looking for me? "Well, would you let the others know I said hi?"

"Sure. But why don't you just call them?"

"No time. Look, I have to go. Bye, Frank."

"Bye, Speed."

We both hang-up. I place a hand over my mouth. They are talking with Horatio. I just know it. He will find out. Frank says H is holding a meeting. Surely that means Delko and Cal are in his office. They'll find out. They will all know.

"Damn it!" I punch the wall.

"That's usually my job."

Stabler is behind me. "Sorry." I shake my hand. My knuckles are bloody.

"Something wrong back home?" He asks.

"Possibly."

He lean on the door frame. "Maybe you should go home. Take it from someone who knows; you can never spend enough time with those you love."

I sigh. "Maybe I will go home. I do miss my friends." A smile crosses my face. "You know what, I will go home. But only when this case is solved. I am the only witness, after all."

"That's true," he smiles back.

It is then that I realize I am becoming attracted to Elliot Stabler. His lovely black hair. His fetching eyes. His muscular arms. The Marine Corp. tattoo. Another man with a badge. _Time for a cold shower, Timmy._

"I better go find myself a motel and check in."

"Alright."

Ten minutes later I am on the road again. This time looking for a hotel. I find one that is decent and not pricey. The thought of returning to Miami actually makes me smile. I pick up my cell phone again. Dial in a quick number.

"Valera, how are you?" No, I don't call _them_. I chicken out.

"Speed? What a surprise. How's the time off?"

"Good, good. Got any interesting cases?"

"Amazingly, no. Not a single case. Makes for a rare, yet boring, day."

We chat a few more minutes. She confirms what Frank has told me. Delko and Calleigh are in H's office with two other guys. One guy is wearing glasses. Danny. It has to be him.

Later I jump in the shower to wash away the day. Danny's shower note comes back to me and brings heartache with it. I am really beginning to regret leaving when I did.

I am drying off when my cell rings.

"Hello?"

"It's Stabler. Can you come down to the precinct? We may have the rapist."

"I'll be down shortly."

I dress in a black T-shirt and matching jeans. The drive back to the precinct is boring. Stabler meets me at the door. He ushers me to the hidden room with the two-way mirror. It is easy for me to identify the man in the interrogation room as the rapist. Before leaving I promise Detective Stabler that I will testify at the trial.

It is on my drive back to the hotel that I realize I now _had_ to call Horatio. He would be upset with the time I'd spend away but happy that I was helping.

So I detour to the park. I will call H while strolling through the now dark park. Then I will call my boys. For the first time in a long while I feel good. Maybe things aren't as bad as I perceive them to be.

Finding an empty spot on a nearly- oddly- deserted road, I park. I spend the next few minutes looking for my cell phone. Upon finding it I dial in H's number. Screw speed dial tonight. With a turn of the key the ignition cuts out.

I was about to hit 'send' on my cell phone when the driver side door flew open.


	8. Missing Speed

**Title: **Love Apart

**Disclaimer: **Slash. Angst.

**POV: **Danny

**

* * *

Chapter Eight: Missing Speed**

We are currently driving like hell toward New York. Horatio had woken Nick and me up at 4am this morning. He ushered us to the car without an explanation. We are now three miles from what Horatio says is our destination. Yet, we still have no idea what is going on.

"Please, what the hell are we doing out here?" Nick pleads.

"Speed," that is all Horatio says.

Timothy. My Timothy. Why have you run to New York? I am not here. Why run from me just to go to my home state? And what has befallen you? Is he okay? And what is Horatio keeping from us?

Nick tried for hours to comfort me last night. He knew I was blaming myself. I had caused Speed to run when he needed comfort. Now something has gone wrong. What have I done?

We pull onto a street full of police cars. Horatio parks beside an empty squad car. Nick takes my hand in his and gives it a reassuring squeeze. In peace we follow Horatio toward the main crime scene. My heart just about stops when I see the H2 proclaiming it belongs to the Miami-Dade Crime Lab.

A man with black hair comes our way. The gun holstered on his hip and the fact that he lacks a police uniform marks him as a detective. I am just slightly surprised Mac and company aren't present.

"Horatio Caine?" He asks, looking at the three of us.

"I'm Horatio Caine. You are?"

They shake hands. "Detective Elliot Stabler, Special Victims Unit."

_What did a detective from SVU have to do with Speed,_ I wonder. Stabler looks toward me. "Danny Messer, CSI New York. My friend here is Nick Stokes of the Nevada CSI."

Elliot looks surprised. "I wasn't aware this would be such a high profile case."

I have no idea how to reply to this. It is evident that Nick is in the same position. Horatio comes to our rescue.

"These are friends of Speed. They were planning to meet up for a boy's night out. When Speed didn't show they came to me. Now here we are."

"Speed?" Elliot asks.

"His nickname. All his friends call him that," Nick explains.

Elliot nods in understanding. "I'm sorry you guys had to come here."

"So, what's going on here?" I ask.

We begin our walk to the Hummer. Clearly it is empty. Speed isn't there. I don't see any sheets on the ground. That is a small blessing. No bodies. At least not within the immediate vicinity.

"Speed was helping us in a case. Seems he stumbled across a rape. The perp got away from him. With his detailed description, however, we were able to catch the guy in a matter of hours." He pauses. Then goes on. "I called him a few hours ago to have him come down and ID the rapist."

Horatio wanders closer to the Hummer. "What was he doing at the park than?"

"Not sure. He did ID the guy and left. He did seem to be in a better mood than when we originally met," Stabler comments.

"How did you know to call Horatio?" Nick asks.

Stabler plucks a bag from the front seat of the H2. "Cell phone. The number was already dialed in. Guess he couldn't make his call."

I gingerly take the cell phone into my hands. Why is he going to call Horatio instead of me or Nick?

"Um, Detective Stabler, sir," someone interrupts us. It is a young uniformed rookie.

"Yes?" Stabler replies.

"We found blood on the headlight."

I turn and walk away. If they find blood Timmy hurt, I would never forgive myself. Outside the crime tape I finally stop. Nick slips his arms around my waist. He kisses my neck. I lean into him enjoying the comfort he gives.

"Don't blame yourself, Danny. You did what you thought was best. You didn't know he would run off."

"Timothy is missing. He could be…"

Nick turns me to face him. "Don't you say it, Danny. Speed is too smart for that. He'll be fine. So stop worrying."

I shake my head. "I can't help it. He's missing because of me!"

"Danny, Nick," Horatio says. Nick turns around and steps out of my way. "The police have checked the park. No bodies. No large amount of blood. Speed was taken from here alive."

Nick sighs. "That's a blessing."

Horatio nods. "We've been invited by Detective Stabler to stay in town and help with the investigation."

"You are both welcome to stay at my place," I interrupt. "It's not that big but it has a roof and food and a place to sleep."

"Well, that's very nice of you to offer, Danny. But no need to impose," Horatio stats.

"You won't be. I know we all want to help find Speed. Three heads are better than one," I reply.

"Alright, I'll stay," Horatio gives in.

We all pile into the H2. This time I am driving. A pleasant weekend meant to be filled with love is now a missing person case. And Timothy Speedle is that missing person.


	9. A Surprise Confession

**Title: **Love Apart

**Disclaimer: **Slash. Angst.

**POV: **Danny

**

* * *

Chapter Nine: A Surprise Confession**

Back at my apartment we discuss our problem.

"Why is Speed in New York?" Horatio asks absentmindedly.

He sits on the floor Indian-style. Nick sits on the sofa and I sit on the floor between his legs, leaning against the sofa.

"He's been here a few times to see me. But I have no idea why he's here now," I think aloud.

"Maybe he went for a drive and got lost," Nick suggests.

"Nah, that's not like him," Horatio counters.

"This is all my fault," I mutter.

Nick leans forward and wraps his arms around my shoulders. He kisses my cheek. "Don't say that. Don't even think it. You did what you thought was best. You didn't know it would turn out this way."

Horatio is watching us. He doesn't seem bothered by Nick's affection toward me. In fact, there is something in his eyes. It looks like longing. But for what?

"He said he was going to talk to someone. Why didn't he?" Nick asks.

Horatio shrugs. "He told me that he was talking to the department psychologist. He wasn't though and I didn't think forcing him would help. We all want him to talk but maybe he can't bring him self to do it."

"You know, until you told me about the stray bullet I thought it was his getting shot that bugged him," Nick mentions.

"I don't blame him for his depression," I remark.

"Neither do I," Horatio and Nick say together.

We all sit quietly. Nick hasn't moved from hugging my shoulders. I know we are all thinking of the same thing.

The day Speed got shot.

He and Horatio had been working on a case. They had entered a jewelry store for questioning. But things didn't go smoothly. Guns were drawn. The problem, Speed's gun jammed. He wasn't wearing a bullet-proof vest and took a nasty wound in the chest. Everyone feared that he would die. When his gun hit the floor it discharged. The stray bullet hit a girl outside. They still haven't figured out how it happened.

The girl was nine-years-old. She died.

Speed didn't.

The guilt is eating away at him. I know it is. So do Nick and Horatio. But any attempt to get him to talk is pointless. He just won't do it. Perhaps not talking about it kept it from being real to him.

Nick kisses me again. The sun finally passes the horizon. Darkness sweeps in on ebon wings.

"We should get some sleep. It's been a trying day. Tomorrow could be better. Or just as bad," Horatio says. "We should be prepared for anything."

With our goodnights said we go off to bed; Horatio in my guest room and Nick with me. Nick takes me into his loving embrace. His lips are warm on mine. He kisses my neck. Slowly he removes my glasses and places them on the nightstand. He kisses me again, parting my lips with his tongue. Effortlessly he removes my shirt.

"Nick…"

He puts a finger to my lips. "Danny, shush. You need to release your tension. If you don't you won't sleep well." He smiles. "I know from experience."

Without saying anything I fall into his arms.

* * *

Later that night I lay in bed wide awake. Nick sleeps soundly beside me. He is the strong one. Even with his past. Speed is the funny one. Funny with hidden troubles. He is usually quiet too. I am the worrier. The one who, time to time, would defy his boss.

A clank comes from my kitchen. Curious, I climb out of bed. I don't take my gun; which is in the top drawer of my nightstand. What would be the purpose? I have guests. One of which is sleeping like a baby. And if there is trouble, a yell will be all I need.

I pad down the hall in nothing but my boxers. In the kitchen I find Horatio leaning against the counter. His back is to me.

"Looking for something?"

He jumps. "Oh, man, you scared me."

I smile just a little. "Speed made it sound like you were unshakeable."

"Usually, I would say I am. But in this current situation…"

I walk into the kitchen and pull a glass out of the cabinet. Horatio gives me a weird look as I fill the cup in the sink.

"Did I interrupt something?"

For a minute I am confused by what he says. When it dawns on me I blush. "No, no. Nothing like that. In fact, I wasn't even sleeping. I can't get to sleep. Unlike Nick. Not with Timmy out there. Somewhere."

"I hear you. Speed-" He doesn't finish.

I lean back against the counter, mimicking him. "Speed what?"

He sighs. "Speed has taught me something. To re-think a few things. To look at something differently; closer."

The passion he says it with sets off warning bells. "You love Speed, don't you? The same way that Nick and I do."

For a minute or two he says nothing. I think to myself that I have surprised him. But then he opens his mouth and surprises me.

"Not Speed. Eric."


	10. Daddy Mac

**Title:** Love Apart

**Disclaimer: **Slash. Angst.

**POV: **Danny

**

* * *

Chapter Ten: Daddy Mac**

Nick wraps his arms around my waist. He holds me close. I rest my head on his shoulder.

"What are we going to do, Nicky?"

"About what? Speed?"

"About Horatio."

"What can we do?"

"I just feel we should do something."

"Don't butt in Danny-boy."

Nicky is wearing some cologne and it smells heavenly. I love being close to him. Our lips meet. The front door opens.

"Uh, guys."

I turn to see Horatio. Standing beside him is my boss.

Shit. "Oh, uh, hey, Horatio, Mac," I say.

"Danny I thought you were on vacation," Mac says.

I realize that Nick is still holding me. I push him away.

"You never told him did you?" Nick asks.

"No."

He sighs. "Speed didn't tell Horatio. You didn't tell Mac. You ashamed of me?"

"No. Did you tell Grissom?"

"Actually, yes, I did. I've even gone to him for advice."

Mac clears his throat. "You two are together?"

"And Timmy," Nick adds.

Mac stands there, looking lost and confused. Horatio looked apologetic.

Awkward silence.

Mac clears his throat again. "Daniel, can I talk to you? In private?"

Daniel? Where had that come from? Mac always called me Danny. Everyone did. Well, Nick and Timothy had pet names for me. But no one need know those.

"Uh, sure. We can talk in my bedroom."

I lead Mac to my bedroom. I blush when I see Mac eyeing Nick's personal belongings on the nightstand. His gun sits in plan view, right next to his badge and wallet. Wait until he sees the pictures on my dresser.

In his Mac-like way he doesn't snoop. He also gets straight to the point.

"How long?"

"About a year."

"You do know that dating two other CSI's could be seen as a conflict of interest. And potentially ruin your career."

Sometimes I think Mac sees me as his son. "I know that, and you know what? I'm willing to risk it."

He's quiet for a minute. "Who knows?"

"What?"

"Who knows? Who have you told?"

"Only Aiden."

"Aiden?"

I sigh in annoyance. "Yes. We're partnered together so much; it was kind of hard to keep secret."

Mac shakes his head. "Don't go broadcasting it to the whole department."

I nod in understanding. Mac turns and opens the door.

"Hey, Mac?"

He turns back to me.

"Are we alright? You and me?"

"Yes, Danny, we're okay."

Upon entering the living room Nick and Horatio end their secret conversation. Horatio sits in the chair closest to the door. Mac takes the one across from him. I sit on the couch. Nick plops down beside me and puts his hand on my knee.

"So, what's this all about?" Nick asks.

"Earlier this morning there was a robbery at a convenience store," Mac explains. "Stella and I arrived to process the scene. There was only on witness. She recalls that the robber had a badge. I overheard two officers discussing a missing CSI and the Special Victims Unit." He took a momentary pause. "So I placed a call to them. But before someone answered Horatio showed up."

"And?" Nick pushed.

Horatio took over. "The description the clerk gave me fit Speed. But the store doesn't have a video security system."

"Timothy would never rob a store. Hell, he would never commit a crime," I say.

Horatio stands. He starts pacing. "I know Speed better than anyone here." His eyes rest on Nick and me. "Well, I've known him longer. He's always been a good officer. However, since he was shot, he's been different. He's been secretive. He has lied. Something about him changed."

Am I the only one who still believes in Timmy?" I jump to my feet.

Mac stands. "Daniel-"

Horatio stops pacing.

"You say you're Tim's friend," I growl at Horatio. "And you," I glare at Mac. "You come parading into my apartment-"

Nick jumps up. He grabs my arm and shoves me out into the hallway.

"Excuse us," he says as he closes the door.

He pulls me down the stairs and outside the building. I rest against the hood of his car.

"What the-"

"Shut up, Danny," Nick snaps.

I stare at him, surprised by his out burst. He places his hands on the hood of the car; one on either side of me.

"Listen, Danny. You are not alone. I still believe in Timmy. I believe in you. I believe in us. And the three of us will get through this."


	11. Remember

**Title:** Love Apart

**Disclaimer: **Slash. Violence. Angst.

**POV:** Speed

**

* * *

Chapter Eleven: Remember**

The room around me is dark. How long I've been here, I don't know. How I got here, where I was; I know none of it.

As always when I wake, I listen. But there's never any sound. I fight with the handcuffs that I've been wearing since who-knows-when. I feel the cuts reopen on my wrists as the metal rubs them. Relaxing, I hit my head on the wall.

"Damn it."

Blood slowly trickles down my left wrist. My right arm is numb from the elbow down. My shoulders ache.

"Why did I leave?" I mutter for the umpteenth time. "Wonder what Danny is doing; where Nicky is."

"Not looking for you," someone replies.

I jump. My captor comes to visit me. This is a first. The man is about Nick's height, built like a soldier. He's dressed in all black and even his face is covered.

"I see you decided to grace me with your presence," I remark.

"Shut up," he snaps.

He pulls me to my feet.

I spit on him.

He punches me in the jaw. I lose my balance and fall. My right shoulder hits the cement floor. It feels as though something breaks.

"Do you remember?" The man asks.

"Remember what?"

There's blood on my lip.

"You don't remember?"

"Remember what?" I have no idea what the lunatic is babbling about.

"Odd. You said you would never forget. I guess you are liar."

He kicks me in the ribs.

"I'm sorry."

"How can you be sorry if you don't remember?" He kicks me again.

I grit my teeth.

"You're a real piece of work, Timothy Speedle. Or do you prefer Speed? Perhaps Timmy?"

How does this man know me? Who is he? Why is he mad at me?

"I'm sorry I don't remember," I apologize.

He stomps on my side. I cough. I wouldn't be surprised if he broke a rib. My entire chest aches.

"That's okay. I'll help you remember."

He bends down to be closer to me. He grabs me by the hair and shoves a gun barrel in my mouth. "Do you remember yet?"


	12. Within Reach

**Title:** Love Apart

**Disclaimer:** Slash. Angst. Violence.

**POV: **Nick

**

* * *

Chapter Twelve: Within Reach **

I glance at Danny. He's gazing out the window. I can tell he's hurt. Who can blame him? He's not alone. I blame myself. Had I not come running when Danny called, I wouldn't have upset Speed. He wouldn't have left. Wouldn't be missing.

Right now we wouldn't be sitting in an office building. I get up and go sit by Danny. I take his hand in mine. In the hall Horatio and Mac are talking with a man in a dark suit.

I close my eyes. Why had things gone this way?

* * *

Danny finally made his way into the living room. He had been in the shower for quite some time. I was getting worried. 

Horatio follows me out of the kitchen. He places a plate of scrambled eggs on the table.

"Breakfast is ready," he announces.

"What have you guys been doing? You didn't have to make breakfast. I should be the one making breakfast," Danny rambles.

"Shut up and eat, Danny," I say.

He takes a seat. "I'll clean up."

"Nope, I am," I say.

"Nick."

"We struck a deal, Danny," Horatio explains. "Nick wanted to help with breakfast. But he burnt four pieces of toast. I told him that if he wanted to help so badly, he could clean up."

"Oh."

The breakfast is good. I decline any and all help when it comes to cleaning up. Horatio and Danny are discussing forensic tips when the phone rings.

"I got it!"

I pick up the kitchen extension.

"Hello…..Yes, I'm working on the Tim Speedle case…..What? When?...We'll be right there."

I hang-up, dry my hands, and go to pass on the news. I grab the keys and toss them to Danny.

"Get the car ready, we need to go."

He looks at me. "What? Why?"

"No time to really explain. Just go get the car."

"Alright. Can you get my badge and gun?"

"I'll get them when I grab mine," I reply.

Horatio already has his gear. Speed did mention once that H was already to go. A habit that I notice Speed has picked up. I wouldn't be surprised if they both slept with their guns.

Once in the car I direct Danny to where we need to be.

* * *

"We found the young man over there," the detective points out. I think he said his name is Goren. "Someone pumped him full of tranquilizers." 

"Why did this become a crime scene?" Horatio asks.

"Someone reported shots fired. A fresh pool of blood was found within range of our young man."

"I take it that the blood wasn't from the victim?" Danny asks.

"We rushed a sample of the blood to the lab."

I'm tired of not getting the full truth out of the detective.

"Why did you call us? So far this case has nothing to do with our missing CSI," I remark.

He pulls an evidence bag from his pocket. "We found this. It was on the victim."

I take the bag to check out the object. I wish I hadn't. I know the number on the shiny metal by heart. Danny leans in to look and I move the object out of his range of sight.

"Can you give us a moment?" I ask.

"Of course."

Once alone Danny practically jumps me. "What the hell is it?"

"Erm…"

Danny grabs the bag. All color drains from his face. "It's…it's…"

"Speed's badge," Horatio says.

Why had Speed's badge been left behind? Did he have something to do with this? I give Danny's shoulder a gentle squeeze.

"Excuse me," the detective interrupts.

"Yes?" H asks.

"I just received a call. The case has been taken over by the FBI."

"What? Why?" Danny asks.

"Our lab finished the blood test. The blood belongs to your missing CSI."


	13. Slow Death

**Title:** Love Apart

**Disclaimer: **Violence, Slash, Angst.

**POV:** Speed

**

* * *

Chapter Thirteen: Slow Death**

I lay on the basement floor, sweating profusely. Things have gone so wrong. All I had wanted was time off.

My arms are uncomfortably under my back. I want to move. To roll over. But I can't. The pain is too much. I sigh and finally give up the fight.

Slowly I lose consciousness.

_

* * *

Earlier that day…_

"Here, put these on," my captor says. He throws a fresh pain of clothes at me.

"I can't," I remark. I raise my handcuffed wrists.

"Don't try anything dumb," he warns as he un-cuffs me. He shows me his gun.

"Whatever."

I try to dress hastily but fail in my mission. It's hard to move with a swollen shoulder and bruised ribs. I finally mange to get all the clothes on. I actually feel nice in fresh clothing. What is going on? My captor replaces the handcuffs.

"Go on, up the stairs."

"Why?"

"Just do it."

I feel the barrel on my back. Climbing stairs is hard to do when you're in pain and your hands are cuffed. At the landing he blindfolds me.

"What the hell is this for?"

"Shut up or I'll put a bullet through your head!"

I shut my mouth. With my captor directing me I walk through the house. A door opens; the fresh air lets me know when we step outside. The warmth of the sun surprises me. This man has guts.

A few steps later he pushes me into something. I hit my already swollen shoulder on metal. I bite my tongue to keep from making any noise. Taste of blood fills my mouth. I hear doors slam. A minute passes and then I hear the front door slam and the engine start up.

While driving along my mind goes wild. Where the hell is he taking me? Am I finally going to meet my end? This is not how I want to die. I want to die with my friends nearby. Not in an alley in a big city. And if I die now, I'll never get answers to my questions. Most importantly, I'll miss out if Delko finally admits he likes Horatio as more than a friend.

We stop moving. I hear my captor get out of the van. Twenty minutes pass of nothing but silence. Then I hear the van doors open again. He climbs into the back and takes the blindfold off.

"You are going to do something for me," he says. "Come on."

He shoves me out of the van and I hit the ground. The pavement bites my knees. He pulls me to my feet. We're in an alley. My heart starts racing. He's going to kill me.

He forces me toward a dumpster. Is that to be my final resting place? By the dumpster is a young man. He's lying unconscious on the ground.

"What is this?" I ask.

"You're chore," he replies, while un-cuffing my right wrist. He places a gun in my hand. "You're going to kill him. With your own gun."

I stare at the poor man in front of me. This is wrong. I can't take this man's life. He's probably not even twenty.

The cool metal of the gun speaks to me. It's now or never. I whirl around to shoot my captor.

The crack of gun fire.

I fall to the ground in pain.

"I told you not to do anything stupid."

I reach again for the gun but he kicks it away. Turning me over roughly, he replaces the handcuffs.

"Guess the poor bastard will live to see another day. You, on the other hand, might not be so lucky."

I watch as he throws my badge on the unconscious man. Then it's back to the van.

* * *

I pull out of the black. I wish it was all a dream. The shock is fading away. The pain is parading through my body.

I scream. My thigh feels like it's on fire.

I can feel the tears on my cheeks. Nick and Danny need to find me. The sooner the better. Without medical help the wound will get infected. Who knows, I might even die from loss of blood.

Isn't life ironic? I wanted to take time away to deal with being shot. Now here I am, lying in a basement with a bullet in my thigh.

"Danny," I whisper. "Nicky….anybody…somebody….help me. Please."


	14. Trigger Finger

**Title:** Love Apart

**Disclaimer: **Slash. Angst.

**POV: **Danny

**

* * *

Chapter Fourteen: Trigger Finger**

Horatio enters the room with two other people; a young man and a young woman. Nick gives my thigh a gentle squeeze.

"Danny, Nick, meet Agent Sam and Agent Martin," Horatio says, introducing the cute FBI agents. I can't help but think that they make a cute couple.

No one talks while the agents get themselves situated. The silence is like a never-ending disease; always there, waiting for its chance. I feel like screaming and have a strong desire to break something.

"We're here to discuss the disappearance of CSI Timothy Speedle," Agent Sam begins. Her voice is lovely and deadly serious.

"Why is this an FBI matter?" I ask.

"Has Mr. Speedle ever just gone off before?" Agent Martin questions, ignoring me.

"No," Nick and I reply.

"From what I see here, Mr. Speedle has had a few recent problems. Are you sure he is not trying to run?" Sam asks.

I feel like yelling at her. She makes me wonder if all those blond jokes are true. I get this weird vibe from her, like she feels that she has to prove herself. Been there, done that.

"Why would Timmy run away?" Nick inquires.

"Perhaps he wanted to start a new life. Forget everything that happened. It's more common than you think," explains Martin.

Horatio finally speaks up. "Look, I have known Tim for a number of years. He may be quiet and a bit withdrawn at times. But he's a damn good CSI; devoted to his job. He loves and respects each and every one of his friends. Tim would never just leave."

Sam glances down at her paperwork. "I see here that Mr. Speedle received therapy in college. Why?"

"Hi friend died," Nick says shortly. I hear the anger creeping into his voice.

"Is Mr. Speedle gay?"

"Bi-sexual. What the hell does this have to do with anything?" I snap.

"Has he ever been harassed for being bi-sexual?"

"Not a lot of people know. As I've already stated, Tim likes to keep to himself," Horatio responds. How can he be so calm?

"Has he ever been threatened?"

I can't take it anymore. "No, he's never been threatened," I yell. "What does any of this have to do with finding Timmy?"

"Excuse us," Martin says. He ushers Sam from the room.

Nick gives my shoulder a reassuring squeeze. Horatio leans back in his chair. How can they be so strong? Why doesn't their worry for Speed show? I shrug Nick's hand from my shoulder. I don't want his pity. If he can be strong through this then so can I. And next time I have a problem with Speed, I will not involve Nick. I'll work things out on my own. I bite my bottom lip. If I was capable of that, we wouldn't be here right now.

The door opens and an older man enters. "I'm Jack, head of this team. Agents Sam and Martin will not be interviewing you anymore."

"Good," Nick sighs.

He sits. "I'm sorry for the way Agent Sam was handling things."

"Apology accepted," I say. Both Horatio and Nick give me surprised looks. I ignore them.

"I'm afraid to say, your friend has a streak of very bad luck," Jack says. From a manila folder he removes a photo. He passes it to Horatio.

"Who is this guy?" Nick asks as he passes the photo my way.

I eye the photograph. It appears to be either a mug shot or an ID photo; they were hard to tell apart. They guy was Caucasian with close cropped brown hair. His eyes were amber colored. He looked like an ordinary person.

"The man's name is Simon Shore. He's a small-time lawyer here in New York."

I set the photo on the table. "What does he have to do with Tim?"

"Wait," Horatio mutters. "I know that last name. It's very familiar."

"The girl that died," Nick chimes in. "The one that Speed feels so guilty about. Her name was Sally Shore."

"Family connection?" I inquire.

"Simon's younger sister. On that day Sally was in the care of the middle child, Seth Shore."

I tear my gaze from the photo. "Seth Shore? That's the guy Speed IDed for that rape not too long ago."

"Bingo," Jack says.

I shake my head. Speed truly does have bad luck. With this knowledge I find I can relax. We know who has him. We can go in and get him.

"What are you doing to get Tim back?" asks Horatio.

"Right now we can't do anything. We have no proof that Simon Shore is responsible for kidnapping Mr. Speedle. But we are putting him under surveillance starting tomorrow afternoon."

"Tomorrow?"

"I wish I could do it today but I'm sorry, I'm not able to."

I groan. My head is pounding with the on-set of a major headache. The door to the room flies open. We all turn to see Martin.

"Jack, we have a problem."

"What is it, Martin?"

"We're getting reports of gunfire-"

"And?"

"The description from witnesses fits that of Simon Shore, to a T. Witnesses also report seeing him shove an injured and bloody man into his van," Martin says hastily.

"Do we have a description of the victim?"

"Yes," Martin pauses. "He matches that of the missing CSI."


	15. Into The Crypt

**Title: **Love Apart

**Disclaimer: **Slash. Angst. Violence.

**Check profile for author note!**

**POV: **Horatio

**

* * *

Chapter Fifteen: Into the Crypt**

I close my eyes. Outside the traffic flies by. I can hear only the sirens of the emergency vehicles as we rush toward the shooting scene. The only thing on my mind is Speed. I wonder where I went wrong. What did I do to send him away? If only I had let him know that he could tell me anything and everything. Maybe he would have come home.

I sigh. I sound like Danny. Speaking of which; I glance over my shoulder. Danny is resting his head on Nick's shoulder, his eyes are closed. Nick gives me a look that says so much. He's worried; not only for Speed but also for Danny. I can tell he's mad that things went down this way. And I know that he wants to get revenge on the man responsible.

Responsible for what, I ask myself. Speed is still alive. I have to believe that. I know that he's a fighter. He always has been. It's one reason I wanted him for my team. I know he'll be back.

Agent Malone wipes around a corner. In front of us is an array of emergency vehicles, lights all flashing. The area is washed in red and blue. All for Speed. We will find him. We will.

"A house?" Nick asks. His question goes unanswered.

The building outside is indeed a house. A white-two-story house with immaculate grounds. It was set apart from all the other houses on the street. A large van is parked in the drive-way. All the curtains on drawn on the windows and there is no visible movement from anybody other than the officers and agents.

We all follow Agent Malone out of the car and toward another man in a suit.

"What's going on here?" Malone inquires.

"We followed the suspect here, to his house. We have given him numerous attempts to give himself up. All have been ignored."

"Okay. Are you sure the suspect is in the dwelling?"

"Well, sir, we aren't sure. There hasn't been any movement."

"Then send in the SWAT team. There's no reason to be sitting here doing nothing."

I glance back behind myself. Danny is sullen and his eyes downcast. Nick stands beside him holding his hand. Nick looks my way and our eyes meet. I read the sorrow and the dying hope in them. Part of me feels like giving up too. And yet, I just can't. I know for a fact that Speed is a fighter.

A large group of men in full armor jog pass us. The SWAT team. Will they find Speed inside?


	16. Knowing Peace

**Title: **Love Apart

**Disclaimer: **Slash. Angst. Violence.

**POV: **Nick

**

* * *

Chapter Sixteen: Knowing Peace**

The minute I hear them yell that the perp is dead I make my move. I rush toward the building, leaving Danny with Horatio. I don't care about my safety. I don't care about evidence or protocol. I have to find Speed. He's alive. He has to be.

I hear Horatio yelling for back up while also yelling at SWAT to let me go. Fuck SWAT. Fuck the local police. Hell, the FBI can go home now. He needs them? I need Speed. He's here. That's what they say.

I run pass the SWAT and the deceased. I can deal with them all later. It isn't until I reach the dining room that I stop. Horatio and Danny come up behind me. They followed me? Horatio broke protocol? A boss that doesn't follow the rules? No wonder Speed cares for him so much.

"Nick, calm down," Horatio says. "Danny and I will check the upstairs. You see what you can find down here."

I nod in agreement. I don't think I can speak. I just don't have it in me. They disappear up a set of stairs. A peek out a window shows the SWAT standing by while the agents check out the exterior of the house.

I make a quick sweep of the living room, dining room, and kitchen. Nothing. Same goes for the laundry room and office. Danny and Horatio haven't found him. They would have yelled down to let me know. I feel the panic growing inside. That's when I see the door.

A basement. The perfect place to keep a hostage. Why hadn't I thought of that before? My hand is on the knob and opening the door before I even remember moving. I flick the switch at the top of the stairs. Light washes away the dark. A crumbled heap at the bottom of the stairs sends my heart racing.

I stumble down the stairs. Half way down I see the various pools of blood. The panic rises. I make it to the bottom to the crumbled heap. To Speed.

I touch him. He feels so cold. "No," I plead. "Don't be dead." I feel for a pulse. It's there. Faint, but there.

"I found him," I yell.

I hear footsteps upstairs as people move about. Did any of them hear?

"You found Speed?" I hear Danny ask. "Is he okay?"

"No, we need to get him to the ambulance out front. He's barely hanging in."

Horatio leaves Danny at the top of the stairs to get the ME's. Danny just stood there. I smiled through my tears.

"We finally found him."

* * *

"I'm tired of waiting here. When the hell is the doctor going to update us?" I ask.

We've been in the waiting room for hours. The sun had set roughly a half-hour ago and there was still no word on Speed. Danny sat quietly this entire time. He looks haunted. His eyes seem slightly empty. Horatio has spent most of the time filling out various forms. But I can see that the wait is getting to him. I don't think Danny even notices.

Finally the doctor makes his way over to us. "I'm sorry for the long wait. We had a few complications but things are fine now."

Horatio places a hand on my shoulder before I can say anything. "How is he, doctor?"

"He had a few broken ribs and a hairline fracture in his collarbone. His shoulder was also dislocated. The bullet only caused damage to the muscle and tissue. He may need physical therapy to regain full use of the leg. Lastly, he received six stitches for a deep gash in his head."

I shake my head. "Is he going to be fine?"

The doctor smiles. "With a little TLC he'll be just fine." He glances at his watch. "He should be waking up right about now. You can have a little time with him but then he must sleep. He needs all the rest he can get."

The three of us followed behind the doctor. The hospital is oddly silent. It's eerie. We reach a door.

"Please, only one at a time."

Horatio looks at me and then at Danny. "Why don't you go first, Nick? You found him."

I steel my spine and enter the room. Speed is lying in a bed with wires and tubes hooked to him. I feel nervous. Why? I approach the bed. I take his hand in my. He opens his eyes. I smile at him.

"Hey, welcome back to the planet earth." I give his hand a gentle squeeze. "Guess what? You're safe. You're home now. No one will hurt you ever again."

He looks at me. Then whispers, "Go away. I don't want to see you. I don't want to see any of you."


	17. Goodbye Lover

**Title:** Love Apart

**Disclaimer: **Poem is copyright to Robert Frost.Slash. Violence. Language.

**POV:** Danny

**

* * *

Chapter Seventeen: Goodbye Lover**

I stand by the window watching the sun rise. I want to be at the hospital with Speed. I want to be by his side. But he doesn't want to see me. He sent me away. Why? How my heart aches. It all started with just one simple call. All he wanted was to get away. To see someone he loves. Does he still love me?

Nick wraps his arms around my waist. "My plane leaves in an hour."

"Do you really have to leave?" I ask.

"Unfortunately, yes. Grissom wants to know what's keeping me away. He's getting nosy. And I'm sure that if I don't return soon, Ecklie will tell Gris to fire me."

"Oh, then I guess you do have to go."

He must hear the disappointment in my voice because he holds me tighter.

"You're thinking about him, aren't you?" He asks.

"How can I not? Where did I go wrong?"

"It's not your fault, Danny. You did what you thought was best. Speed just needs to get some help. We both would if we had to bear that guilt."

"What guilt? It wasn't his fault."

"I know that and you know that. He probably knows it too. He just doesn't want to admit it."

I turn to him. "I can't help but feel so alone."

He looks pained. "Is my love not enough for you?"

"Oh, Nick, I di-"

"Look, I need to be leaving. I have a plane to catch. I'll talk to you later, Danny."

I don't move as he walks out the door. My heart is numb. I was planning for a happy weekend. Instead I lose everything. Why did it happen? I close me eyes and feel the warmth of the sunrise. It washes over me but can't chase away my blues.

A knock at the door brings me smack down back to earth. "Come in," I call.

"I just saw Nick leave," Horatio says. "I thought that I would come check on you. Are you doing okay?"

"Ha, okay? Speed won't see me and I believe that Nick is mad at me. Other than that, I guess I'm just fine."

"I've talked with Speed."

"He'll let you see him?" Why not me?

Horatio shakes his head. "No, he won't. I've been using the doctor and the nurses as messengers. However, Timmy has talked with Mac. They really seem to hit it off."

I roll my eyes. Another stab of pain. Speed would rather talk with my boss than to me. "Well, that's, uh, nice."

I turn my back on him. I feel the tears run down my cheeks. Horatio steps in front of me. He than embraces me. Everyone needs someone to hold them. Especially when their heart is breaking.

"It's okay," he soothes.

"No, it's not. Nothing is okay."

"As Robert Frost once wrote, 'to yield with a grace to reason, and bow and accept the end of a love or a season?'"

**End**

_**

* * *

Reluctance**_

_Out through the fields and the woods  
And over the walls I have wended;  
I have climbed the hills of view  
And looked at the world, and descended;  
I have come by the highway home,  
And lo, it is ended. _

The leaves are all dead on the ground,  
Save those that the oak is keeping  
To ravel them one by one  
And let them go scraping and creeping  
Out over the crusted snow,  
When others are sleeping.

_And the dead leaves lie huddled and still,  
No longer blown hither and thither;  
The last lone aster is gone;  
The flowers of the witch-hazel wither;  
The heart is still aching to seek,  
But the feet question 'Whither?' _

Ah, when to the heart of man  
Was it ever less than a treason  
To go with the drift of things,  
To yield with a grace to reason,  
And bow and accept the end  
Of a love or a season?


End file.
